It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen an updated guide on email etiquette or netiquette in general.

This may be because there is about 300 guides written by out of work journalists whose’ exposure to technology was having played with an iPhone for about 5 minutes. I believe that they’re in the same place in my brain where banner ads and sponsored links land and are thus culled and ignored almost immediately. Ask the big geeks you know, and you will find that they have brain-based adblock enabled as well.

(I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out if I should put an apostrophe there and where it would correctly belong in that sentence. I think I know too many grammar nazis.)

Oh. Okay. Fixed.

So really, what I mean to say is that there doesn’t seem to be one of worth lately, though I’m sure someone will add some in the comments to this posting eventually. The things like social networks and twitter, the places where one is really needed, are the places where a bunch of people write 500 horrible guides.

Here’s where nettiqute was when this whole internet thing happened. Notice how a lot of people you know don’t not-do these things. Notice how Eternal September will never end. This is why a lot of old school types have quit irc or have retreated to backwater +i or +k channels.

Here’s ten four things to keep in mind

1) If it is important, it’s not something that should be sent in a text message. Text messaging is for 14 year old girls and introverts who don’t mind taking 5 minutes to communicate what they could have talked about in 30 seconds. Perhaps what they really need to make is a subvocalizing phone. Then like one half of the female population will be on confs with each other most of the waking day.

On second thought, please don’t. Please do not make those.

(Did you know that Google Voice already had confs built in?)

2) If you are having an issue with your computer or technology and want to talk to me about it, send it from an IM client that can screen share so that you can demonstrate it and I can fix it. ^{[Only close family and intimates eligible. Offer void when I am busy or already frustrated.]}

So anyway.

3) Twitter. If you can avoid it, do. If you find that you have to use it, is painful enough already without having to look at stuff like this:

But he’s not like that all day and night, right?

Wrong.

I hear you’re cool and all in person, but I can’t do this anymore, Chris! Argh!

This came in while I was writing this:

Quoting fictional characters? Picard is someone’s role model? Gah. It’s like this all over Twitter. It’s horrible.

Additionally: No Mom, I will not teach you to use Twitter. It was bad enough an idea when I taught you to text message. I learned my lesson.

4) Don’t touch my phone. I’m serious.